Whoose dwunk
by Water-zone-8 and tee-hee-me
Summary: Squall and Seifer return to the Garden a bit slooshed...


One night in Balamb Garden Rinoa was waiting for Squall to come back

Please note that all characters are Squaresoft's copyright.

Whooshe Dwunk?

One night in Balamb Garden Rinoa was waiting for Squall to come back.

Rinoa: Where is he? *Yawn* I'll go to bed.

So Rinoa went to sleep in Squall's room.

Later that night a drunk Squall and Seifer ( don't ask me what he was doing with Seifer) came back to Balamb.

Squall: Hee hee…tomorrow I'll kill you. *Hic*

Seifer: Okayyyyyy. *burp*

Squall pushes Seifer into the waterfountain.

Seifer: *Gargle Gargle* I am vet..

Squall: No your are not, you're Sheifer. *hic*

Seifer: Nooooooo, the vater vet me. You shilly Shqually.

Squall and Seifer enter Squall's room (not to do what some of you are thinking).

Squall leans over his bed and looks at Rinoa, wobbles a bit and then promptly throws up on her.

Rinoa wakes up.

Rinoa: *Sniff* what smells?

Rinoa looks up at Squall.

Rinoa: AAAAAAAAAAAAA YETI???????????AAAAAAAAA.

Seifer: AAAAA!!! Where? Where? Iz there a yeti 'ere

Just then Irvine walks in.

Irvine: Squall I can't get to sleep. Do you have any porn?

Irvine turns on the light.

Irvine: OOOOOOOO!!!!! Seifer is in your bedroom.

Rinoa: AAAAAAAAAAA Why am I yellow?

Squall: SHHut up! I'm going to shtart shinging with Sheifer. 

Seifer: YesHH! Letsh Shing.

Irvine goes near Seifer.

Irvine: Seifer do you have porn? AWWWWWW! You stink!

Seifer: Show do you 'onney.

Squall: I am your 'onney!!!!

Rinoa: WHAT??????

Irvine whistles.

Seifer: AA yeshh! Tanx for reminding me!

Squall: Wait! I have to shing.

Seifer: What shong????

Squall: Britney Shpears?

Seifer: Maybe we should shing Jeshica Shimpshon.

Irvine: Do you have a poster of her?

Rinoa ( who we forgot) has gone to the bathroom to get the vomit off.

She comes in again.

Squall: I can't get no shatishfaction…

Seifer: I wanna luv you forever and dish iz all I'm ashking…

Rinoa: Shtop it!!!!

Irvine: Are you drunk too?????

Rinoa: No, I've been lishtening to them too mush.

Irvine: SOMEONE GIVE ME PORN.

Quistis arrives.

Quistis: Irvine all the Garden can hear you!

Irvine: I DON"T CARE!!!!

Squall: Shhut up and lishten to me shing!

Seifer: No lishten to me!*burp*

Quistis: Are you two drunk?

Seifer stares at Quistis wobbles a bit and falls over.

Seifer: Whooshe dwunk?

Squall: Iz shomeone dwunk? That iz a vewy shtupid of 'em!

Rinoa: Yes, you two are vewy shtoopid!

Quistis: Rinoa, how much did you drink?

Rinoa (trying to speak normally): I didn't I have just been listening to them too mush. 

Irvine: IF ALL THE GARDEN CAN HEAR ME THEN SOMEONE SHOULD COME AND GIVE ME PORN.

Selphie: Irvine!!!! How dare you?????

Nida comes in.

Nida: I have porn. Just shut up!

Nida gives Irvine the porn and walks out.

Irvine: Oh, goody!

Selphie: Give me that!

Selphie grabs the magazine.

Irvine: Do you like it too??

Selphie opens the magazine.

Selphie: WOOOOWW!!!

Irvine: You like it!

Selphie: This is guy porn!!!!

Irvine: Of course it's for men.

Selphie: No, it's for girls. Tee hee.

Rinoa: Lemme see!!!

Rinoa takes the magazine.

Rinoa: Wowwwww!!!!

Squall looks at it.

Squall: Hey! That's Sheifer!

Quistis: WHAT?????

Seifer: Am I shexshy?

Squall: Yesh.

Quistis: A…o…e….um…erm….

Rinoa: You're eyes look as if they will fall out Quisty.

Seifer: Doesh that mean that Nida iz gay? 

Squall: I shought he wash.*Hic*

Selphie: How come Seifer is in the mag?

Squall: Sheifer iz shick.

Seifer: No, I'm shexshy.

Irvine: This is dishgusting.

Rinoa: Sho you shtarted talking like that too.

Seifer: I had to show my shexshy body.

Rinoa: WHY?

Seifer: Part time job.

Everyone's eyes pop out.

Squall: He can't get no shatishfaction.

Selphie: Where is Zell?

Seifer: He wash wif ush but we losht him.

Zell enters.

Zell: Shesh sho lucky shesh a shtar.

Rinoa: You're drunk too!!!

Zell: Whoose dwunk?

Squall: Is shomeone dwunk?

Seifer: I don't shee dwunk people…

Selphie: What should we do?

Irvine: I dunno…get dwunk?

Seifer: YESH!!!!!

Squall: What a good idea…we should get dwunk.*hic*

Rinoa: Are you all crazy??

Quistis: No most of them are drunk.

Zell: Again I ashk whooshe dwunk?

Selphie: Oh, dear.

Irvine leaves the room.

Selphie: Where did he go?

Squall: I got it!!!! Cshid must be dwunk!

Seifer: Dat iz vewy naughtwy!

Zell: He shouldn't be dwunk!

Quistis: Erm, what should we do with them!?

Rinoa: Should we tell Cid?  


Selphie: Nooooo, they might get suspended!

Seifer: Goody.

Squall: Cshid can get shushpended?

Zell: Whoose gonna get shushpended?

Selphie: It's Irvine! He must have found out what to do!

Irvine walks in , or rather wobbles in.

Irvine: Shup? I'm dwunk.

Seifer, Squall and Zell: Whoose dwunk????

Irvine: I.

Zell: Sho hesh dwunk!

Seifer: Naughtwy, naughtwy.

Squall: Sho hesh the shtudent that's gonna get shushpended by Cshid!!!!!!

Irvine: Whooshe getting shushpended?

Selphie: I can't believe this!

Rinoa: Four drunks?

Irvine: Whooshe dwunk?????

Seifer: Not me! I don't tink it'sh Shqually.

Zell: Shnot me!

Squall: Then, whoose dwunk?

Quistis: You all are!!!!

Seifer: Quishtish? You're dwunk? 

Squall: Shought you were acting a bit weird.

Irvine: If you're dwunk that means that you'll go on a date wif me! *Hic*

Quistis: AAAAAAAA!!!!!

Rinoa: Shush, you will wake everyone.

Fujin: SHTOP SHCWEAMING!

Selphie: You are drunk too????? What's going on?

Fujin: WHOOSHE DWUNK?

Rinoa, Selphie and Quistis: AAAAAAA!!!!!!!

Raijin: Hi!

Rinoa: You aren't drunk! Thank god!

Raijin: Whoose dwunk, ya know?

Rinoa, Selphie and Quistis: AAAAAAA!!!!!!!

Quistis: Why are they all drunk????

Irvine: Shomeone iz dwinking?

Rinoa: Listen girls, lets get out and lock them all in here.

Selphie: Will Fujin be ok with all the boys?

Irvine: Yesh!!!

Quistis: I will lock her in my room.

Irvine: Why??????

Quistis pushes Fujin out of the room and Selphie and Rinoa lock the door. A little voice says…

Irvine: Just tell me whooshe dwunk.

The girls go to Quistis's room.

Quistis: Lets lock Fujin in here.

Fujin: WAGE.

The girls lock Fujin up and head towards the exit.

As they pass Squall's room…

The boys singing: Shing a shong of shixshpence

A pocket full of wye…

Quistis: Lets hurry up and get to the bar.

At the city of Balamb's bar.

Quistis: Excuse me but where some Seeds here earlier on?

Bartender: Hee hee hee.

Rinoa looks at him crossly.

Rinoa: Well, why did they get dwunk? Er, I mean drunk!

Bartender: Well, there was a girl here looking at a mag and when she saw Seifer, she asked him if he was the guy in it.

Selphie: Oh no I think I know what that mag was!

Bartender: Well, when Seifer, Squall and Zell saw the pictures they all freaked and got drunk!

Rinoa: What about Fujin and Raijin?

Bartender: Well, Raijin saw them drunk and thought it was a nice idea, Fujin erm…found the mag.

Quistis: Why would Seifer freak if it was his pic?

Seifer: Cosh I didn't remember it being taken, I musht have been dwunk!

Selphie: Seifer!!!! How did you get out?  


Seifer: Shimple, I climbed down the twee.

Squall: Sho did I!!!

Quistis: Oh no!

Rinoa: Quick, we must get these drunks back to Balamb.

Seifer and Squall: Whooshe dwunk????

Rinoa, Selphie and Quistis: AAAAAAA!!!!!!!

Selphie runs out of the bar.

Rinoa: Where is she going?  


Quistis: Well, not to get drunk!

Selphie returns with a chocobo and ties the two boys onto it.

Selphie: Now, back to Balamb!

Squall looking at the chocobo : Dish looks like Quishtysh!

Seifer: No itsh like Shelpie!

The girls drag the chocobo and boys back to the Garden.

Quistis: Now, be quiet we don't want Cid to hear us.

Squall: Shh, be vewy vewy quiet we're 'unting Cshids.

As they go near Squall's bedroom Cid comes.

Cid: Quistis? What are you doing?

Quistis: ….

Squall: FIREEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cid: Where?

Seifer: Shqually don't shcare the target!

Cid: Squally? I'm glad that you two are friends.

Squall: We are bwuddys. *Hic*

Cid: Are you drunk?

Selphie: No! He just has the hiccups.

Squall: Cshid sheason!

Cid:!!!!!!!?????????

Quistis: Excuse me girls, I think I will talk to headmaster Cid for a while.

Quistis takes Cid away and the girls rush to Squall's bedroom pulling the two boys along.

Rinoa: Are you ready for me to open the door?  


Selphie: I think so…

Rinoa opens the door and looks in. All the boys are sleeping peacefully on the floor.

Squall: Ooooh the lazybones!

Seifer: Yeshh we should wake dem up. *Burp*

Rinoa: Quickly, Selphie lets get Squall and Seifer to Zell's room before they wake everyone up!

In Zell's room.

Selphie: Come on Seifer get in!

Seifer: NO it'sh a twap!

Squall: A twap? 

Rinoa kicks the boys into the room.

Rinoa: Now what?

Selphie: We wait for tomorrow?

Rinoa: What if they escape?

Selphie: You guard them and I will tell Quistis what is going on.

Selphie runs to find Quistis.

Seifer: Rwinoa let ush out.

Squall: Please!!!!!

Rinoa: No.

Seifer: MEANY!!!

Squall: Come on Winoa.

Rinoa: Never! Why am I left with the drunk Squall and Seifer?

Seifer: Whooshe dwunk?

Squall: It'sh Cshid sheason. We should be 'unting Cshidsh.

Seifer: I think it'sh Winoa Sheason!

Rinoa: I think it's drunk season.

Squall: Whooshe dwunk?

Seifer: Shqually what do you want to dwo?

Squall: Don't know! What do you want to dwo Sheifer?

Seifer: I want to play fwootball.

Squall: We are in Zell's bedwoom. He hash fwootballs.

Rinoa: Shit!

Seifer: I found one.

Squall: Let'sh play!

Rinoa: Don't you dare!!!!!!!

Seifer: Why not? *Hic* 

Quistis and Selphie arrive.

BANG.

Selphie: What was that????

Rinoa: The boys are playing football!

Quistis: Oh no! We have to get them to sleep!

Rinoa: Good luck.

Seifer: GOAL!!!

Squall: NO, FWOUL!

Rinoa: I have an idea!

Rinoa runs off and returns carrying a bucket.

Rinoa: Open the door.

Squall: We are fwee!

Rinoa throws the water from the bucket on top of them.

Seifer: Ooooh! It'sh waining men!

Squall: Alleluia!

Rinoa: !!!!!

Quistis: Quick shut the door!

Seifer: Ooooh no!! You keep it open! *Hic*

Squall and Seifer wobble out of the room.

Squall: Winoa I wanna puke on you!

Rinoa: Eeek !! Help!

Seifer: Quistis… I luv you, I luv you I lub you!

Quistis: Yikes!

Quistis grabs Squall and drags him to the bathroom while Selphie takes a plant pot and knocks Seifer out.

Seifer (looking even more dizzy): 1 chocobo, 2 chocobo, 3 chocobo, 4 chocobo, 5 chocobo, 6 chocobo…

Rinoa punches him and then drags onto Zell's bed.

Quistis: Come on Squall!

Squall: No, I want Winoa!

Quistis shoves him into the bathroom.

Rinoa: Hey, Quistis, Seifer is in Zell's bed, what's up with Squall?

Quistis: Great, erm Squall needs to be sick.

Rinoa: Keep him away from me!

Squall: Winoa!! Pleashe 'elp me.

Rinoa: AAAA! I am going back to Selphie.

Squall: I'm coming!

Quistis trips him up and pushes him back into the bathroom.

Quistis: No you don't!

Squall: Ooooh Quishtish twaped me.

A little while later…

Rinoa: Quistis should we open the bathroom door?

Selphie: Squall hasn't spoken for along time.

Quistis opens the door and they see Squall asleep in the bath, standing on his head.

Quistis: A…o…e…um…erm…

Rinoa: What???!!!!

Selphie: Erm…should we put him in Zell's bedroom?

In Zell's room Squall and Seifer sleep peacefully.

Quistis: Look at them sleeping quietly…

Squall and Seifer: *snore snore* 

Quistis: Or not… 

The girls flop down on the floor and sleep.

The next morning.

Everyone: I have a headache…what am I doing here?

Quistis, Rinoa and Selphie quickly get up and run to Squall's bedroom.

Seifer: What are we doing in Zell's room?

Squall: Why did the girls suddenly run out?

Seifer: Who let you sleep next to me?

Squall: …AAAA!!!!

In Squall's room.

Quistis: Is everyone ok?

Irvine: What are we all in here for?

Rinoa: We will explain later.

Squall and Seifer run into the room.

Seifer: What's going on?  


Squall: Who put me in bed with Seifer?

Zell: Whoa! What did you say man?

Rinoa: Oops, we forgot Fujin!

Quistis runs to her bedroom.

Fujin: HELP!

Quistis unlocks the door.

Fujin: RAGE.

Quistis: Sorry.

Fujin: PUZZLED

Selphie: So is everyone else.

Over breakfast Quistis explains what happened. Everyone starts to remember. Seifer tuns green and leaves the table.

Quistis: Where are you going?

Seifer: I need a break.

A little later…

Squall: This is horrible… I think I need to get drunk!

Seifer: Whooshe dwunk?


End file.
